When I was 12 years old, my favorite grandfather passed away.As I sat beside my youth leader, I asked, "Why did he have to die?" She replied, "God was ready for him to be in heaven." That was a good answer and it made sense. At least it was as good as any answer that an adult could have given me. I was scared that God might want me in heaven sometime soon.
I was in elementary school when my aunt and uncle decided to get a divorce. As I sat beside my aunt, I asked, "Why did Uncle Dennis leave?" She said, "He doesn't love me anymore." I wondered if he had stopped loving me, too.
I was in middle school when I first understood about child abuse. My mom was on jury duty and the person on trial was being accused of abusing their child. As I sat beside my mother, I asked, "Why did that mom hit her child?" She replied, "She is full of anger and cannot control herself." I was glad she wasn't my mother.
I was in college when I heard about a girl being raped. I was naive, but I figured out what it meant. As I sat beside my sister, I asked, "Why would a man do that to a woman?" She replied, "They think they need to control other people and women are easy targets." I understood that I was a target, too.
I'm a 38 year old teacher now. About a month ago, one of my students lost his dearest uncle--his hero. As I have tried to minister to him over the last few weeks, I realize that I don't have very many answers. And the ones that I provide are weak at best. He looks at me with those doubtful eyes and I know he realizes that I absolutely have no clue as to what the right answers really are. But, he accepts them and finds some degree of comfort. My question is: Is it wrong for me to feel terribly angry about having to answer these questions to begin with? Not angry at the student, but at the situation. Why would a seemingly healthy 26 year old farmer die in his sleep? And, I believe my student considers whether he might die when he's 26 years old.
I am what they call in the eduation field an "existentialist." I fight to know the answer to all of life's burning questions. I have shared some of the burning questions of my life. To this day, I still have all of the questions that significant people in my life attempted to answer. But, the question mark lurks in the corner of my mind. So, I'm not so settled on these issues, I suppose.
What do you think? Is it wrong to question to God? Is it a big, fat sin for me to question death, abuse, rape, and divorce? I know....another question from an inquiring mind.
8 comments:
My dear Karen, so much of my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your student. I believe the why of your childhood experiences are answered in the questions of your present-day experiences with your student. God knew that some day you two would cross paths just as clearly as He knows which stars He has placed in the sky will fall to the earth.
God knew He could count on you for (let's call him Timmy) Timmy. That is why He moved you from that wonderful place you were teaching last year to the place you are teaching now. God knew Timmy would need a teacher of compassion, who had as many questions as Timmy did, so his questions wouldn't be answered with meaningless pat replies. Children need the truth and the truth is, there are no answers to some questions in life.
Some day, your Timmy will remember your love, compassion and strength where answers were not available.
As to your question about questioning God, I can only tell you that the Lord allows us to come to Him with anything. And in time, He reveals to us what He sees best for us to know--the rest He guards as well as we do some mysteries in life from our children.
For you, I'd suggest reading the book of Job (my favorite) and also borrowing a commentary on it from your pastor. There are many books that speak to the issue, but you being the impatient existentalist that you are, I'm sure you'll want to hear from real people.
One of the most helpful books I read after losing Chad was DON'T TAKE MY GRIEF AWAY.
Rest in Him, Karen. He'll give you your answers. For me He answered, "Trust me." So I do. But trusting doesn't take away the process of mourning. And it doesn't erase the reality of empty chairs on holidays, silent phones, or photos without our loved ones. Trust is relying on Him to "perfect that which concerns me", "to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."
And when I least expect it, He sends a gentle butterfly into my life to remind me of His presence. selahV
G'day Karen from many miles away.... Selahv pointed me in your direction :)
I think the absolute falleness of our world is that which grieves us deep at heart.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation eagerly waits with anticipation for God’s sons to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility—not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it—in the hope 21 that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of corruption into the glorious freedom of God’s children. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains until now. 23 And not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits—we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.
The effect of the sinfulness of mankind resulting in the falleness of our world can be thoroughly overwhelming at times.
The falleness of our world is revealed in the problem of sickness and death.
The falleness of our world is revealed in the problem of inhumanity and unloving behaviour.
The falleness of our world is seen in the wickedness of mankind, even the best.
And this grieves us deep at heart.
I think that this may be part of the work of the Spirit pointing us onward to a better hope:
Rom 8:23 And not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits—we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. 24 Now in this hope we were saved, yet hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience.
The Lord has something better for us. In fact its so much better that the things of this life will seem insignificant in the fact of the revelation of His great love.
35 Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or anguish or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written: Because of You we are being put to death all day long; we are counted as sheep to be slaughtered.
37 No, in all these things we are more than victorious through Him who loved us.
38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!
Sometimes the overwhelming grief we feel at the wickedness and deathliness of our world can only be met with the understanding of the depth of God's love for us in the Saviour. And this brings a reality to our faith... a reality that sustains through pain, and testifies to others of the truth of our great God.
Steve
Grosey..."The Lord has something better for us. In fact its so much better that the things of this life will seem insignificant in the fact of the revelation of His great love."
these words are so profound and it is very difficult to explain this to someone who hasn't been in this portion of God's heart, don't you think?. selahV
Good thought there Selahv....
2Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ.
The Lord Himself does comfort the afflicted...
I think back to how the Lord comforted me over the many years, it was often through reading a sermon or book by one of the "greats" like Spurgeon, or Packer, or Bridges.
Somehow the Lord led me to read the right thing at the right time. And I was always amazed at how the selection of the day met the need of the moment.
I have found that Piper's "A Godward Life" has been helpful at these times more recently (really, the only thing of Piper's that has touched my heart, although everyone raves about him.). i guess its a consistent quiet time through which the Lord has spoken to me the most, in the daily reading of 5 chapters of scripture.
Its God comforting our hearts... that is the issue. And He desires to do so..
James 4:8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people!
Thank you for the insightful thoughts there Selahv ..
Steve
This is my first visit here, and I sure appreciate all you've shared. Your post moves me deeply. Life is so hard.
But no, I don't think it's a sin to question or to feel anger. These burning questions are some we all face at one time or other. I really never knew how to explain the death of my dear friend and classmate in 8th grade, yet she was raped and killed, and they never found the person who did it. Other pains, losses, and difficulties followed, for which I still have no clear-cut answers. Somehow the Lord has enabled me to realize that not everything has to be settled before I can just trust Him with all the unknowns. And right now, that's become enough for me. But it took a long time for me to get here.
Your student is blessed to have you by his side during this painful loss and time of questioning. I pray the Lord will comfort you both. Living in a fallen world is not easy, and we absolutely need the grace of God to live in the midst of loss and brokeness. But death is not the end, and there is a glorious hope. The more I get to know Jesus, the more hope shines in the darkness, and His presence reassures me that there will soon come a day when He will wipe every tear, and there will be no more grieving or pain.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I'll be back!
Blessings,
Vicki
Grosey, "He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
that portion of scripture has been my anchor when my quesions of why have no answers. "SO THAT WE MAY BE ABLE". I guess the hardest is part is why must we have the affliction to receive the comfort?
I truly believe in Karen's situation, that her student will face something in life that this is preparing him for. It is a thread in His tapestry. We just don't know what form it will take...and it takes all our heart, soul, mind and spirit in complete abandon to Christ to endure the quiet time till we know or are able to accept that we may never know. selahV
aw, Karen, your thoughts have echoed so many of my own. This past October brought the completely senseless death of my own uncle--suicide, performed while drunk out of his mind.
Tragedies such as the one your student is facing shake our faith, there is no doubt about that. And it is inevitable to have questions. With tragedies that are so senseless the answers don't come readily--some don't come at all.
In the aftermath of my uncle's suicide here's a few thoughts I wrote down....
"In such circumstances, saintly clichés do not readily slip off the tip of the tongue.
There was a time when I didn’t have to have faith to believe that God is good. Life was far from perfect, yet it didn’t take much effort to see His goodness. I could talk so easily of how He’s such a good, good God no matter what. But here I am today with a new awareness. A fresh outlook that is un-cheapened by the sustenance of earthly pleasures. When you hurt from the inside out, when the storm never subsides, and the answers are out of your reach, it takes a resource of faith that you never knew existed to say, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord,” and mean it with all your heart."
These are just a few of my scattered thoughts--I was directed to your blog by Sweet SelahV ;). And I just thought I'd share what the Lord used to comfort my heart through this tragedy--it certainly wasn't answers, I found it through it was faith. Believing that He saw the big picture and knew the end from the beginning and could still use this horrible tragedy for good was all I had to hold on to... and it was enough.
May God bless your heart richly! Questions aren't wrong, not even the unanswered ones. Just believe in the One who knows.
Sorry... I'm so long winded :)
Thanks to all who have left such encouraging, uplifting messages. It definitely helps when I realize that others feel the same way that I do. I don't feel like such a failure! It's great to feel like I have some kindred spirits out there!
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